Get A Job, Harry
A week of firsts: a royal takes to LinkedIn, an "astronaut" goes on "Call Her Daddy", and Anna Wintour hears the word "No".
Art by Paul From NZ
🎧 This Week’s Happenings
The theme of the week was offenders doing unexpected things that almost endeared them to us. Key word being almost.
Thanks to Rob Shuter’s exclusive reporting, we learned that Taylor Swift — breaking news, she may be getting married at Madison Square Garden (Let’s go Knicks!) — reportedly turned down Anna Wintour’s offer to help choose her wedding gown. That “no” must have landed like a slap to the face, because Anna Wintour is not a woman accustomed to hearing it. This all speaks to how much Anna’s influence has cratered — in fashion and the culture. Taylor’s been skipping the Met Gala for nearly a decade since co-chairing in 2016, and she’s not about to let Anna make a power move now. Maybe Blake will loan out her latest Met Gala look to Taylor — if she’s not tied up in court. Yes, you heard that right: Blake’s taking Justin back to court after settling. “Allegedly, reportedly” has never felt so apt. The Nerve of this one is astounding!
Meanwhile, back in Montecito, Meghan Markle is reportedly telling Prince Harry it’s time to get a job. Pity — once upon a time, he had a great one. The woman accused by Fleet Street of marrying for money is now apparently the one making it. Somewhere between managing deals, building the brand, spending that would make a hedge fund manager sweat, and alienating all manner of Hollywood A-listers, Meghan seems to have acquired yet another role: Caretaker to Britain’s most overgrown royal adolescent. Harry, by all accounts, still approaches work the way royals have traditionally: an interesting possibility rather than a requirement. Truly, what’s the guy to do: Check out the latest in LinkedIn? We should probably add a substantial asterisk to Meghan’s status as the family breadwinner: If recent reports about As Ever’s declining traffic are accurate (and we cited Newsweek’s data-driven report on The Nerve, so they surely are) — well, Harry may want help drafting that LinkedIn profile after all.
Also going viral: Did you Troublemakers catch Meghan’s recent posts from her actual Montecito home? Sharp-eyed observers immediately seized on the décor, with countless commenters comparing parts of the estate to an ambitious Olive Garden circa 1994. The Sussexes’ oversized Tuscan-inspired glassware seemed to inspire the heartiest mockery. For years we were told Meghan and Harry’s manse was the pinnacle of aspirational California living. Apparently, most people see unlimited breadsticks and $6 take-home entreés, which means there are more Troublemakers out there than we even know. A glimpse of H&M’s imminent fine dining options, perhaps?
Speaking of behind the scenes: To show off their true familial bliss, Meghan and Harry celebrated Lilibet’s fifth birthday with what was deemed a “rare” photo of the three with Lilibet’s back to the camera. We ask: At what point does it stop being “rare” when these kids are all over Meghan’s Instagram? We had a blast going down memory lane with some of Meghan’s greatest hits during our celebrity round up on Friday’s Nerve. Let us know if we missed any of your faves.
Moving on to the OGs: Gayle appeared on “Call Her Daddy” this week and calmly delivered the story of her ex-husband’s affair. This, of course, resulted in multiple 911 calls between Maureen and Marlaina all weekend. The crux: Gayle walked in on her now ex-husband and a friend of hers while her small children were in the house. Every new detail made the story worse — including her husband giving the mistress a lift to the train station while Gayle called Oprah — who said, in sum and substance, “Gayle! What the fuck are you doing? He’s at the train station with the other woman!?!” For the first time in Team Nerve history, we found ourselves liking Oprah and Gayle — but only for a moment. Have you been? Never forget.
Marlaina had an interesting read on the cheating: She thinks the husband couldn’t handle Gayle’s celebrity — and she was a local news anchor in Connecticut, so this must be the most fragile ego we’ve heard of since, well, Meghan Markle. Maureen’s theory: He simply couldn’t handle being the permanent third wheel in the Greatest Platonic Love Story of our time. Hey, who could? Either way, we’re surprised Gayle’s ex didn’t meet the same fate as our dear Stedman. [Teddy: I have not concluded this investigation yet! Give a small dog with high sleep needs a break here.] To which Maureen says: That’s fair, Teds. We’re sorry. After all, we did call Stedman’s last known location on Tuesday’s Nerve, and the folks at the Costas Inn haven’t seen Stedman in awhile either. Leads are hard to come by right now.
For the Mini tomorrow: Per Troublemaker comments (reading our minds over at Nerve HQ, as usual), a New York Times bestselling author is going straight to the woodchipper. Woodchipper, stump grinder, burn pile. Head over to YouTube at 10am for the carnage.
And keep reading for a pupdate (with a feline addition), Maureen’s note and recommendations, behind the scenes glam moments, new art, and more!
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